moriendum est

I don't know if pms is just really bad this month or if I'm reaching 2022 levels of depressed again - let's hope I can keep brushing my hair this time! to entertain my fucked up little brain, I'll draw stupid parallels.

dollhouse (fox) and the murderbot diaries are stories about a person stripped of agency and made to complete jobs while someone pays a company for the service. in both cases, the characters are lethal and come with built-in programming that can be adapted, built upon, and wiped. the kernel of the story is how they fight against the programming to free themselves.

what's interesting is that in dollhouse, the dolls are 100% human, so that's where all the morality questions arise - should you be using human beings as tools? is it ethical to rewire someone's brain to make them do things they won't remember later? is it ethical to pay for such a service? in murderbot the question is always if others can see secunits (and comfort units, combat bots, etc) as people. that doesn't mean the same questions don't apply - should you be using constructs as tools? is it ethical to give a conscience and human dna to a bot and not consider it a person, all to do things they never signed up for? is it ethical to pay for such a service?

that scene when echo realizes sierra and viktor are protecting each other/in love, to me, is the exact parallel of when murderbot realizes three was friends (or at least friend-ly) with the other secunits. because echo is just as lonely as secunit, at the end of the day; survival mode is all they know for a while.

conversely, severance paints a picture where the innies are completely different people. there's no fighting against the programming because they're their own people, completely separate from their outies. innie mark frees outie mark's wife not because he feels anything for her, but for outie mark. which would be like secunit getting its memory wiped and starting from zero again, sure, I guess (it keeps saying that could happen, but we can't know for sure if it really wouldn't have old memories in cache or something). or a doll having a perfect programming so nothing from their former life ever breaks through.

I much prefer dollhouse's take on it, instead of severance. it makes for good tv, don't get me wrong, but I find the idea of innies and outies being completely separate less appealing than the idea that no matter how much you fuck with the brain, something could always slip through the cracks. emotions, sensations, places, circumstances triggering memories even when they've been hidden behind a veil is very interesting to think about - it can be great, a defense for the existence of a soul or something more, and it can be godawful terrible, the threat of always having your worst memories hidden somewhere behind a small trigger.

anyway. I think echo and murderbot would get along well. it would definitely go on tangents in its own head about how unreliable human bodies are. all those emotions lol

since I make a point of avoiding hybe/sm/yg groups if possible, it took me their appearence on idol radio to realize this group even existed. for the uninitiated, it's hybe latam(?! that's a thing apparently?)'s first boygroup. they're introduced as latin pop which sure, makes sense; they're all from or have family connections with LATAM, and their sound pulls a lot from funk reggaeton etc. they come in cutesy kpop packaging, though, with sharp choreographies and a lot of aegyo in interviews.

they've just had their first fansign (!), and were at kcon LA this week. I guess. I didn't know kcon was happening. but anyway, they definitely have all the makings of a kpop group. they promoted in korea for a couple weeks this year (their ending fairies went viral within ktwt), and have been performing seemingly everywhere in LATAM, and now the US.

what's crazy to me is that hybe seems very... stingy with them? they don't have any of the fancy and crazy expensive MVs of a hybe group, for starters. their most well-produced video is their recent "velocidade" special performance. which is really good! just crazy that it's essentially their first video that looks like an actual kpop MV.

Watch on YouTube

I'm not joining the fandom officially because I hate myself but not enough to stan a hybe group. I'll be following them casually, though, because the members are GREAT performers and just seem to put their all into their stages. I'm very endeared by gabi, who seems like he was a corgi up until two weeks ago and is still trying to get a hang of this whole human thing. (I say this affectionately.) kauê is of course very dear to me because #BRAZILIAN, he and gabi bring my godmother instincts to the surface, I want to pinch their cheeks and go awwww lol


ale reminds me a lot of every charismatic male lead in a novela, kenneth is very cute because you can tell he has crazy work ethic already even though he's just a teen (also crazy talented! his vocals!), and I'm also endeared to drew just because he speaks of the group with a lot of heart. he's the leader and a professional dancer, so this group truly is just a bunch of talented guys together.

I'm just ? at hybe's approach to them. I understand it's good business practice to not invest a lot into something you're not sure you're gonna get any return on, but I mean, come on. it's hybe. they can afford to waste a few million dollars. they're sure very resourceful to be doing all the bullshit they're doing with their non-bts and non-txt groups. they have mvs parternered with android and gemini LOL they surely have the money.

at the very least, giving santos bravos an MV for the next album should be doable? right now it feels like all they have is a very dedicated social media team. not even good stylists! like, hybe is truly just letting them perform everywhere and seeing if any money starts flowing in. in any other world that would seem like normal business practice but we're talking pop music in a millionaire kpop company; that's not how things are supposed to go. their first official merch has just been announced and it's a collab with a U.S shop that only ships to the U.S? lmao.

all I hope is that when hybe inevitably decides to pull the plug on the group, the members can continue going strong. right now they're in the rookie honeymoon mindset of This Group Is My Life, so I hope they can build lifetime friendships from this, if nothing else. they're all gonna be artists for life, there's no doubt about that, it's just sad how little respect they're getting from their own company. something something LATAM is only worth the effort if it brings in the money etc etc.

btw aside from adopting kauê as my godson and supporting him wholeheartedly as a fellow brazilian, I'm leaning towards biasing drew? we'll see if I bias anyone at all lol to be continued...

two additional comments:
- I of course fuck heavily with their sound, velocidade and kawasaki (especially the tropkillaz remix) are MY SHIT. mhm is fun too, especially their live performance of it.
- the hispanic members' accents in velocidade are so amusing and endearing to me, is this how japanese fans feel when korean idols release songs in japanese?

Watch on YouTube

I thought I'd make actual posts for a rewatch but my anxiety is so bad I've been switching apps all day without doing anything so here are some bullet points to break that cycle:

• listening to so much unloved after I finished the show was a mistake, now the soundtrack stands out way too much to me because I go "oh hey I like that song" every other scene lol
• that said, I think the sound design is a huge part of why this show is so fun. the songs are diegetic in a way that it blends seamlessly with the shot and creates The Killing Eve Vibe, it's masterful.
• I don't remember what I thought when villanelle killed the kid in the hospital other than "oh shit she's crazy lol", but now it's much clearer to me that she only does it after he asks for it. he literally says he'd rather be dead? #VillanelleDidNothingWrong
• eve bursting out laughing when the stranger approaches her thinking she's an addict struggling through withdrawals while she thinks she just got caught for murder is a layered scene!!! she IS an addict. she's addicted to villanelle and their little cat and mouse game. and she just killed villanelle so she's not just feeling guilty but also going through withdrawals already.
• nico is an excellent character. I like that he's actually a straight up guy as far as Useless Husbands go in stories like this. I remember the fandom hated him with a passion but he's very much the compass pointing us to how deranged eve is/wants to be.
• the twelve thing was irrelevant to me back during my first watch and apparently it continues to be because all I wrote down was "plot shenanigans with the twelve". it's rather sad because I feel like the show changing hands every season just turned what could be a cool overarching plot into something I feel eh about.
• I love that villanelle says "normal is boring". it is.

3. Who are your three favorite book characters?
- MURDERBOT (the murderbot diaries)!!! the undisputed first place.
- DUSTFINGER (inkworld)! very fond of him.
- uh, lisbeth (the millennium trilogy)? I need to reread those books to make sure, it's been a while. I'm weirdly attached to lee scoresby (his dark materials) too, I don't know why, so it's between those two for third place?

3. What are your three favorite things to wear?
- a hair scarf! I usually wear it to tie my hair (so it falls like a ribbon) or like a hairband. my grandma used to put those on me when I was little and I guess it stuck with me.
- uh... hoodies? my oneus hoodie is my favorite.
- uh again.......... my bomber jacket?

truth is I hate having to dress myself lol I've been forcing myself to accessorize and it's been an uphill battle... bought a dress a couple months ago that I thought was pretty but I look so horrendous in it I just recently stored away all my clothes except the basic tees and comfortable pants. in another world where I don't hate the way I look I'd wear so many flowy skirts and rockabilly dresses and pantsuits!! but right now all I like to wear is a hair scarf. #myhairscarf

3. What are your three pet peeves?
- sending multiple short texts in a row instead of finishing a sentence in one message (or sending more texts while I'm still answering your previous texts PLEASE WAIT??)
- interrupting me while I'm talking. like ok FINE I won't say it then.
- ignoring/disrespecting internet etiquette*

*yes, I'm constantly annoyed by it in 2026. people are tagging rants, fics, thirst posts with official tags! talking about fanfic with the people involved in the original material! trashtalking fanfic/ships in morality olympics! butting in on fandoms they're not a part of! engaging with trolls! being nasty to complete strangers for no reason at all! stop!!!

3. What are your three favorite TV shows?
dollhouse (2009/fox), killing eve, yellowjackets/harlots (2017/hulu)/gilmore girls SORRY IT'S REALLY HARD TO CHOOSE ONLY THREE

3. What are three things you wish you could do?
draw! write novels! play an instrument!

you know when you see a pic/video and gasp because that's exactly what you pictured when you wrote a scene in a fic?

this is chanhee in that fic where he's a bored heir marrying his horseback riding instructor, pride & prance. this is his rich person backyard during a renovation. thank you, good night.