moriendum est

as algorithm-averse as I am, I've taken to checking the recommended posts on tumblr if anything just so I have more posts to go through when I open the app. many of those are now the murderbot diaries posts since I keep reblogging stuff from that tag. anyway, I saw two posts this week that made me want to talk about the books a little. I'm not about to talk to the people on tumblr, what am I, a person with opinions????? no, I'd rather talk to myself on a different platform altogether.

one of the posts was similar to other posts I've seen before in the tag - about how secunit is beloved by EVERYONE it meets, despite it believing its not deserving of that kind of thing. yes, secunit has trouble accepting affection or kindness, I don't disagree with that part. but the reason for that is precisely because most people it came in contact with in its lifetime was just horrifyingly cruel to it. all the comments about clients torturing secunits for no reason aren't observations, they're memories. secunit has been mistreated, hurt, and disposed of countless times before it came across the preservation crew. it has issues sitting down on chairs because no one ever allowed it before!!! that's an important part of the story. not everyone in this universe is kind of secunits; as a matter of fact, most of its clients were horrible to it. the kindness people on preservation reserve to it is all the more special for it - they're going against the normalized violence constructs are subjected to everyday.

that's interesting to analyze, I think, because once secunit meets don abene, it's obvious that it's not just preservation people that can be kind to constructs. that tells me the issue lies with the corporation rim specifically - the ultra capitalist hellscape strips away many people's ability to be kind...

...which leads me to the second post I saw, where someone was talking about the books as a dystopia. and I vehemently disagree with that. the murderbot universe is not a dystopia, it's describing the real world we live in *right now*. everything the corporations do in the books happens in real life; the abhorrent working conditions, the indentured servitude, the cruelty, the excessive marketing, the abusive contracts, the criminal activity in the thirst for money... granted, they're in space, but I think the corporation rim is just the sci-fi version of our western society. whenever secunit acts surprised that there's free food and shelter in the preservation alliance I think "yeah, that's shocking to us living in capitalist turbohell too".

the only reason we don't see even MORE pain is because a lot of people work day in and day out to help others. but if it's up to the corporations? bro, they'd put people in meat grinders and sell the meat if they could get away with it. we can't do anything without being blasted with ads from every angle, just like the choked feeds in the books. people ARE trading their lives for miserable jobs for a chance that their families will have a roof over their heads. people ARE losing sight of empathy and choosing to hate those that are different due to propaganda from the top 1%, who benefit from our cruelty towards each other. like, it can't get more realistic than that in a pew-pew sci-fi story.

I think that's part of the appeal of the story to me. god, is it good to read about a society that thrives by sharing, that tries to treat their fellow citizens with respect, in spite of the gigantic corporate-driven society it originated from!!! it's a very well-built universe for my tastes, I like that it makes me think about these things, and showcases the contrast between a society that treats you as a disposable tool and one that treats you as a person. it's the same feeling I had reading the dispossessed but even BETTER because preservation is perfectly self-sustainable, which is the best case scenario.

anyway. wake me up when we're toppling capitalism.

after ao3 went down, I happened upon a tweet sharing a gdrive with kpop rpf fic. miraculously (since no one reads tbz anymore), it included one of my fics. I was so giddy and so happy, like woah, people read that fic! something I wrote! me, the dumbass with one half-working braincell!! I wrote a silly fic with boys kissing for a very tiny fandom and people like it enough to download it and share with others!!!

of course, I was surprised to say the least to witness the discourse that ensued. even browsing the read page for getyourwordsout gives me a handful of posts from authors outraged that people think it's ok to download and share fics. I am... a little flabbergasted? not in a judgmental, pointing fingers way, just in a "well, the wires were crossed horrifically at some point" way.

like, I understand wanting to retain control of where your fic is posted and by whom. I can sympathize with the fear of your work being repurposed/stolen, something we know happens in fandom frequently. some people have had bad experiences with stolen/translated/otherwise modified works, some people want to stay VERY far away from copyright infrigement terrain and TPTB, and so on and so forth. all perfectly valid.

at the same time, though, I think there comes a point when you gotta ask yourself why you're posting that fic to ao3 at all, if the thought of someone downloading it/sharing it outside of ao3 is so distressing. ao3 is an archive with a download button. it's primary purpose is to... archive. it gives your work visibility to people you may not want to to read your story, it offers readers the chance to download the story to their devices, it indexes fics on google (if you allow it in settings)... it's a given that at least some people are gonna download it, even if it's to read it offline on an e-reader. of course some are gonna have their files organized in folders and drives. is that not how it's always been? I still have the kpop rpf fic I saved from livejournal in 2011.

so yes, I do understand and I do sympathize with wanting control over your work. 100%. but if the idea of someone sharing your work out of ao3 distresses you that much, I gently and lovingly suggest that you don't post it there to begin with. for your own peace of mind. post it to your own pages with a very clear warning that it shouldn't be shared elsewhere and maybe, with luck, everyone will respect it.

but even then, that's the thing about fanworks - they tend to spread around in a healthy, lively community.

back when I first started writing in english, I posted a couple of things to my own livejournal. SOMEHOW, and I still don't know how, some of my favorite fandom writers found it and left nice comments on it. I wasn't sharing it, I wasn't promoting it anywhere; it just so happened that we were a tiny fandom co-existing in the same platform.

fifteen years later, someone liked one of my silly ao3 fics enough to put it in a drive. my low self-esteem doesn't let me think of it as anything other than INCREDIBLE, I'm floored and amazed, but maybe that can feel like a violation for someone who considers their work to be more than just their hobbyist contribution to a fannish community. and to those people for whom control is vital, I really, really think ao3 may not be the place for them or their works. any platform with a little more control of who can access/download it would be preferrable. even dreamwidth works for that.

(I love reading fic on dreamwidth, tbh. the layout is great for it, always has been.)

anyway, just wanted to put all this into words because I've been just... stunned with the discourse. we really are 8 billion people. stuff you never even considered is suddenly a heated argument. like woah. peace and love and smut for all.

1. What’s most important to you right now?
right now, in this exact moment, it's elections. we gotta win this or it's gonna be a disaster. that's what's on my mind lately, a constant influx of thoughts ranging from "wow so many people are just objectively horrible and mean" to "realistically how can I move countries, do I have any way to emigrate" (answer is, I don't). but overall, not considering the last leg of the election, I think it's just... eric.

2. What do you need most right now?
MONEY. any scrap of energy to go to the gym. a burger.

3. What’s been your biggest challenge in life and how did you overcome it?
idk? I guess I haven't overcome any of the challenges so far. #failureboss

4. Who is someone you wish was still around?
my grandma.

5. What’s a moment you will cherish forever?
many!

I always say that I'd rather love and be made a fool of later than choose hate out of fear that I'll look silly. but damn during elections I truly hate being made to feel hope. being naive and actually expecting the best from people suuuucks. anyway let's go lula ❤️ even though states + congress just got the worst people elected ever so who knows if we'll live through these 4 years.

this downward spiral is lasting way too long, I need the new season of yellowjackets stat. I'll give a cdrama a try for the first time! well, technically second time since I watched two or three episodes of the untamed about five billion years ago. whatever good faith ghost possessed me at the beginning of the year is gone, I feel no inclination to watch a romcom kdrama right now.

one thing I was thinking about earlier is that kdramas are very consistent about the styling they give their bad guys/villains, especially the henchmen. that kind of thing will fizzle out in a couple decades with some luck - at least it did here, very recently - but I always catch myself thinking "why is it always the long-haired guy with a cool hairstyle?" lol it puts a little into perspective why korean fans seem to favor boring short hairstyles so much. we could've had long-haired younghoon if only his fanbase didn't hate long hair with a passion.

I'm flopping magnificently in gywo, this should be my last year trying. it's about time I accept I'm just not disciplined enough for anything creative lol or anything at all, let's be real. it's a wonder I eat and shower everyday. #loserclub

oneus' new album is just okay to me but I think I'm the problem, I'm not in the mood for the pop rock vibes. it suits them, it has always suited them. seodo are looking GOOD. yuqi's new mv suits her better than whatever she was trying to do for some of her english releases but it's still very taylor swift so not my vibe either. so to sum it up nothing is my vibe right now... can I go to sleep for like six months to see if that resets my brain...

oh and happy birthday kauê!!!

these are fun!!

1. If you could instantly become an expert in something, what would it be?
is it cheating if I choose "to be fluent in many different languages"? does that count as being an expert? if not, I think I'd choose to instantly become an expert in software development. the career opportunities!

2. If you could do anything in the world as your career, what would you do?
my default answer is always writer - I wish I could write professionally and pay my bills that way. but being a professional dancer would be a lot of fun too. like, let me be in the background dancing behind a popstar LOL that would be such a fun job.

3. If you could be immortal, what age would you choose to stop aging at and why?
...what if I passed it already lol I'd rather stop it now or choose 25 if I could go back in time. by 25 my brain had developed out of its dumb teen phase, my joints were in pristine shape, and I had no trouble sleeping.

4. If you could be any supernatural creature, what would you be and why?
VAMPIRE. I love vampires. drinking blood doesn't sound so bad tbh, and I get to still look humanish. I don't wanna be hairy like a werewolf, nor scaly like a mermaid; I don't want wings, I think shapeshifters have a risky ability, I'm not great in nature to be an elf... what else?

5. If you had to teach a class on one thing, what would you teach?
the boyz lol with prep time I could teach some basic linguistics/translation theory, probably. I could do a basic "learn how to interpret a story and infer things from what the script/book is telling you" class 😂 I like to think about that.