life sucks - hatfelt.mp3

[moriendum]

I need to put this into words to see if my chest hurts a little less: god, that's such a sad turn of events. tbz didn't deserve any of this... literally, any of it.

seeing them not be 11 anymore hurts like hell, and it doesn't help that it was in such awful circumstances. like, erasing haknyeon from ot11 pics is... certainly a choice the company is making. even their official logo was built around the number 11. to just erase him like this is such a hard blow.

my personal opinion that no one asked: I'm not angry at haknyeon for whatever he did or didn't do at that club, I'm more angry that he was at that club to begin with. surely there was a less stupid way to have fun that night? the ASEA night, jacob's bday night? that's what's upsetting me the most. surely this could all have been avoided with a little more thought, a little more care. it does feel entirely too selfish, especially considering how hard this year has been for them so far in terms of bad press. you cannot convince me he couldn't have just found a better way to go about that... he's not a rookie, he's not a teen, he knew better. it's the carelessness that kills me. and I'd love to believe he stepped away of his own volition to protect the group but it doesn't feel like it right now. if anything, it feels like it was bad behind the cameras. how do the other members move on from that now?

I keep thinking about jacob promising to bring them back together as 11 after everyone came back from enlistment. younghoon saying he really wanted to make a hit song so tbz could be more popular and people would know tbz not only by name but by their music too. sangyeon leaving to serve and the members promising the group would only grow in his absence. eric so excited about the (now most certainly delayed) upcoming concert that he couldn't stop giving spoilers, repeating over and over lately how he dreams about tbz having a huge stadium concert one day. it's all just so sad.

I don't know how things are gonna play out from here, but I'm staying for whatever comes. I love you, tbz.